March 5, 2011 Ben is Twelve!

How did this baby boy grow so fast? He was our joy made perfect!

We dressed our little Ben Boy up in his great, great grandfather's christening gown.  He wasn't too happy about it and I was terrified the ancient fabric would rip!  Getting his pudgy hands through those little bitty sleeves was a feat to be mastered.  The rocking chair was purchased in about 1904 for his great, great Aunt Sally.  Both heirlooms have been passed down all these years.  I wore the dress and had the rocker in my room as a little girl!  With three boys and Katie, it's been put away!  Go figure!

We learned quickly that Ben loved books!  He is a reader to this day.  Often he is telling us some interesting fact that he has read.  Sometimes they are strange boy facts, but never the less, he loves to read!

I had to have just the right cake! I was terrified of actually making a birthday cake!  Boy how times have changed us!  His cake will be homemade today!  Everything had to be perfect on his first birthday!  It was for this silly mama!

He was and is my helper! If there is chocolate involved then he is definitely my  helper!

Ben was in Paul's brother's wedding. He thought he was getting married!  He was so confused and wondered how he was going to take care of the little flower girl!   Ben was told that if he stayed in place during the wedding, he would get the taped dollar bill off the floor where he was supposed to stand!  He didn't move a muscle!

I loved it when he was my my snaggletooth six year old!  Somehow it reminded me of that toothless little gummy faced baby!

You can only imagine the critters the boys have found in our woods!  This was a box turtle that we returned to it's rightful place!  The woods.....

Ben has been so amazingly gentle with Katie.  He could hardly wait to hold her.  One night after the boys had gone to bed, he came in and said: "I just want to hold her and feel how real she is"!  It meant something down deep to him to hold her.  She stole his heart right then and there!

He willing poses every Fourth of July for the "group" picture.  Not his favorite thing, but he does it for his mama!  I'm so blessed to have this young manchild for my son!  God did everything that I had hoped or dreamed when he gave me Benjamin Aaron Lorenz!  Truly he is our beloved son!  Happy Birthday Ben!  I love you!

I  have been blessed to have four wonderful children!  I can't imagine life without any of them.  When I sit and think about Ben's birth, it reminds me how my life changed in a moment!  How glad I am that God gave me the opportunity to be a mother!  At times I wondered if it would ever happen.  I'm so glad that motherhood was better than I could have ever hoped.  Praise Jesus, that God had me wait for Ben!  He was worth the wait!

Blessings from the Hilltop!
Sheri

It's Been Awhile....

It really  has been awhile since I posted last.  Chronic Neutropenia  is Katie's official diagnosis.  She is getting shots twice a week right now.  Yes I'm giving them to her here at home.....no I don't like it!!!  Monday's shot has been relegated to Daddy!  We are in the process of getting the right amount of meds.  Her numbers are still dangerously low, but you would never know it! 


God made this little lamb a fighter and she is doing great!  This week she was given  her "Beads of Courage" at the Oncology office.  Each bead stands for something that has been done to her.  The more yucky the treatment the cooler the bead!  She is getting quite the necklace.  It's so funny to see a little gal walking around telling people about her beads of courage.  I'm teaching her Joshua 1:9 .  She is strong and the Lord is with her!  I'm so glad!

These days have been a lot about just surviving through the emotional turmoil of this whole thing and then I look back and realize "WE ARE FINE".  We've been through a battle, but it's okay.  Yesterday we went to the Dr. for another blood test and her ANC (absolute neutrophil count) had dropped another 100 points!  She should be at about 1500 and instead she is 110! 

Isn't it amazing that she is doing so good with such a low count?!  I'm so thankful.  The Dr. is just shocked that she is so healthy!  He has started calling her little sicknesses "bothersome".  We are so thankful that they are not life-threatening.  Many children with numbers this low are in the hospital behind double locked doors! She still has some of the marker issues like bumps on her face and bottom.  She has some eye issues, but we have just about gotten that healed up too!  Isn't God good?

When I get down, I think about all the other families at Texas Oncology and know that they would give their eye teeth to trade diagnosis with us!  We don't have ports, or chemo, or little hats with big flowers on them to cover a sweet little bald head!  When you walk through those doors and see that, there is no reason not to be grateful for your life! 

It would be ridiculous to even blink at our situation, when you see all those other families.  And you know what?  They have a smile on their face and they are playing with their little ones and they are doing everything they can to survive!  That's walking with grace!  I so want to walk through this murky water season with grace.  I want Katie to not feel like she's the "sicky special child".  She's not a victim or invalid and I so don't want her to have that mentality.  It's hard not to, when we are giving her shots, giving her immune supplements, making sure she doesn't have another fever, etc....

I just continue to tell her we are so thankful that Jesus is healing her body, He is healing her bone marrow and He is making her white blood cells healthy.  I have begun to pray that her neutrohils would live and not die!!!  Katie's bone marrow biopsy showed that her neutrophils die at just about the time they would be mature.  They just don't quite make it.  Our God is bigger!  He has kept her and we continue to believe that she will be completely healed!

I say all this for several reasons.  One so that y'all know what's going on with our girl.  Two so that if there are bothersome issues in your life, look up, it could be worse!  We all have issues and trials, but God is there for to walk with us with His Grace and Mercy.  Blessings to you all and I hope that I can get back on to more regularly blogging.  There are still meals to be prepared, laundry to be taken care of, floors to be swept, school to be taught and lots and lots of  hugs and kisses mixed in!

 Life goes on and the sun still shines!
Blessings from the Hilltop!
Sheri

Embrace The Unexpected......

I love Christmas.  I love the cozy feelings and the crackling fire. I love little girl Christmas dresses and yes my boys wearing matching shirts one more time! I love pondering the verses that remind us that the little baby in the manger is the promised Messiah.  I love thinking about the saving grace of my Messiah.  Those were my anticipated thoughts and my expectations of Christmas 2010.

Sometimes, things change....sometimes the unexpected comes.....sometimes we have the opportunity to cry out to God like never before.  All these things have happened here on the hilltop recently. 

Things changed.....things changed after a wonderful Christmas dinner with my family on December 11.  Katie woke up December 12 with a fever.  Not unusual for her, but higher than her normal fever.  A fever that led us to Children's Hospital that Sunday evening.  There I heard the usual comforting words..."just a virus, it will go away in a few days....."  I left there with the usual feelings of I'm glad it's nothing, but deep in my heart, I knew there was something.....I'd known for a long time there was something hiding.

Monday came and we waiting out the fever and I rocked my baby girl and she slept with a soaring fever.  Tuesday morning came and I knew, we had to get some help.  Off to the dr.  (the 29 time that year) We did the usual tests, blood, strep and flu.  Katie's temp was continuing to climb even with meds.  Finally the dr. said that she wanted more tests.  More blood and chest xrays.  Okay we could do that.

We did more tests, went back to the office and the xrays showed viral pneumonia.  The blood work wasn't too good.  Seems that she needed a big gun antibiotic shot.  The dr. would call in the morning with more details.  The lab was running more tests.....

I had been gone much longer from home than I had anticipated and my two older boys were calling and saying it's getting dark, when are you coming home.  I was 15 minutes from home when the call came that Daniel was bleeding....he had a cut on his foot.  Ben thought he could see Daniel's bones!  Dear me, what next?!

I prayed for them, Katie, me .....Jesus help me!  I got home at the same time as Paul.  We ran in the house with a limp little girl, to find Daniel with a foot that needed stitches.  Seemed that he was walking through a pile of stuffed animals and got cut!  REALLY?  The stuffed animal cut him?!  What's the story here? 


Paul began getting some dinner for the boys, I put Katie to bed and then set out for the ER.  Oh and yes, it was Paul's birthday! While I had Daniel alone, I questioned him.  While Paul had Ben alone, he questioned him.  They were like Ft. Knox, if there was a story, they weren't changing theirs.  They both told us the same thing.  These boys are very trust worthy, so we were stumped!

How was I going to tell the ER that my child got cut and needed stitches by a stuffed animal?!  We remembered that there was a broken car under the bed, so we used that as the possible offender.  They laughed, stitched him up and sent us on our way. 

(A few days later, I felt like I should really look at a particular stuffed animal.  Tucked into it's paw was an open knife!  A knife that had an almost four inch blade!  It was one of those oversized dogs, that Jonathan had seen at a garage sale and just had to have.  I can't even imagine what could have happened!  God was good to us!  Daniel really had been cut by a stuffed animal!)  One of the highlights of Christmas Eve, was my Dad removing Daniel's stitches!



The next morning, I got the call.  The call that changed me.  Is still changing me and I don't know where I'm going to land.  I do know that God is good, and that He uses all things for my good.  That said, it wasn't fun to hear my Dr. use the Leukemia word.  Yes, she thought it was only a 10 percent chance, but she had spoken with both a Hematologist and an Oncologist about Katie's blood work.

Apparently, she didn't have many white blood cells and even fewer neutrafils.  They are a component of the white blood cell that fights infection.  She could have a really bad virus or something else.  We would have to come back and get another shot, more blood work and stay away from sick people.

After I picked myself up off the floor, I made my calls.  Calls for people to pray.  We needed prayer.  Sweet friends brought us meals.  My parents took the boys for a few days.  We were wading through water that seemed to be drowning us.

On the outside, I think I was somewhat holding it together, but God knew, I was a mess on the inside.  Katie's blood count continued to go up and then plummet.  Thursday before Christmas, we faced the reality that she would have to see a Hematologist.  They would get  her in just as quickly as possible.


God in His amazing timing, arranged for a dear friend to visit us during Christmas.  MaryJane watched the boys, played with them and just generally kept things going at home, while I took Katie to appointments.  It wasn't the visit we planned on, but I'm so thankful she could be with us!

I made it through Christmas with the darts of the enemy whispering in my ear that this would be Katie's last!  I fought it, but it was there every time she laughed and played with her new play house.  It was there as I greeted my family Christmas Eve.  Every moment that was to be enjoyed, I basically gave the enemy.  I didn't stand firm in my mind.  I tried, but the darts were coming and I didn't seem to be able to tear down every thought. Not this time.  After Christmas, my mom asked me what my favorite part of Christmas was, and without missing a beat, I said: "getting past it!"

My big mistake was that I didn't tell anyone what was going on until much later.  Why didn't I expose the lies of the enemy?  He comes to steal, kill and destroy!  I knew these things!  This was a chance for my Messiah to rescue me!  He did anyway!  He brought me up out of the pit that I was digging for myself with my vain imaginings! 

We went to see Dr. Lanarsky the Tuesday after Christmas.  It was a rainy day, and I was still teettering on falling into the pit of despair.  I really didn't think he was going to tell us she had Leukemia, but I was so concerned that what they were going to do to Katie would hurt her.  I was really trying to hold myself together for her.  Paul was a tower of strength!  I'm so glad that man is my husband!

We got off on the fourth floor.  It was incredibly beautiful.  Etched in glass were the words: "I am a survivor".  My thoughts, were God, I don't want to have to be a survivor!  I don't want to walk down this hall with a little soon to be bald girl!  I didn't want her to join those ranks!  It wasn't what I had planned!  I didn't want to be one of  "those" people!

"Miss Bestsy" called us to come in to start Katie's initial check-up.  Katie happily did everything they asked and was rewarded with a princess sticker!  Then we went into another play room to wait for the Dr.  He came and visited us about her medical history.  Then a precious woman came to take blood.  Katie was great and the lady was even greater!  She told Katie that a butterfly was getting some of Katie's sweet nectar!  There was a butterfly attached to the needle!

We went back to another playroom until Dr. Lanarsky came back to officially tell us that Katie did NOT  have leukemia.  Her numbers were down, but other numbers were good and healthy!  The white blood cells that were down would need to be watched and monitored closely.  They were low.  Very low.

Now a couple of weeks out, it looks like Katie has Chronic Neutrapenia. It's not great, but it can be managed.  We are looking at a bone marrow biopsy in the upcoming weeks. Many more blood tests.  Probably some shots, and then I don't know what.

Now that we know that she doesn't have Leukemia, we are resting much more calmly here.  But, there is still something for me to embrace.  Surprisingly enough, I'm once again recognizing that I'm not in charge here on this earth!  I can't control circumstances outside my realm of control!

I have a feeling that God is going to reveal Himself in a greater way than I had ever imagined.  I've decided that even though I was  happy with things as they were, God has more for me.  He has more for my family and He has more for Katie!

His love is infinitely greater than I thought and My Help Comes From The Lord!  I can call out to Him and He will hear my voice and sail on the wings of the wind to my rescue!  He will carry us through this dark place.  There is healing in His wings!  He will heal our girl!  He loves my precious girl, more than I could ever even think to love her!  I'm so glad I serve a good and faithful God!

I pray that as the trials of life come  your way, you would not hide the darts of the enemy, but rapidly expose them to the light!  I pray that if it's dark in your world, that you would cling to the Lord Jesus like never before.  If things in your life are calm for a moment, please pray for us.  We need it!  Pray for Katie's bone marrow to make healthy white blood cells.  Pray for the people that do get the word, that their child has cancer.  Pray for their strength and that they would continue to run the race set before them!  Above all, love and cherish each moment of your life!

This isn't my usual post, but it's where we are right now and I thought I would just sort of share the whole story.  I know there are bits and pieces that may not be clear, but it's as much as I can get out today!  We will stand and fight and see that God has plans for good for us and for Katie!

Hilltop Blessings,
Sheri

Christmas Countdown 2010.......

 Is your heart racing?  Did you make it to the before crack of dawn sales after Thanksgiving?  I pray that you enjoyed yourself, but now that your shopping is finished, lets sit back and relax....enjoy the moment over some coffee or tea and think about how you want to do THIS Christmas differently than last year.


Some  years, I've been in such a mad dash to get to extra activities that I don't have  the time to really ponder the majesty of the Lord Jesus Christ and His birth.  This year we are doing an advent devotional called Jotham's Journey.  I have never read it, but I hear it's wonderful.  I'm really purposing to focus on the reason for the season in our home and activities.  It's challenging to keep everything in perspective, especially since a baby may land on our doorstep at any moment....


One of the ways we start our Christmas festivities is a gathering of five generations of "Neely" women to share, laugh and play the "take-away" gift game.  The Neely women were a group of 6 girls that were led by a single mother and grandmother.  Those women taught six young girls integrity, faith and femininity.  They learned to trust their Provider.  


My grandmother told me a story about a time, when literally the cupboard was bare.  She said they prayed together for God to provide what they needed.  Instantly, they heard the "rag-man" calling for rags in the street.  They scurried around their modest home joyously gathering rags.  Those rags provided enough money to buy beans for their evening meal.  A simple,  modest and healthy meal.  He provided day after day.  


That life did not afford Wii's or amazing ski vacations or even a designer wardrobe, but it provided love, hope and joy.  I pray that all I do this year would be from that legacy my Grandmother "Memommy" left me!  


I've added Christmas music to my playlist.  I love it and I pray you enjoy as well.  

Isaiah 9:6
"For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on His shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of His government there will be no end."


Hilltop Blessings, 
Sheri
 

Are You Ready ? What Seasoning Are You Using?

As I was getting ready last night for my Thanksgiving preparations, God taught me a little lesson.  I got both of my silver chests out to find two distinctly different situations.  I opened my grandmothers box of very old silver and sadly discovered that it was severely tarnished.  Then I opened my wedding silver and discovered that it was sparkly and new looking. 

While doing this, I was thinking about all the people coming to my home and praying that they would be blessed and that I would be a blessing in any situation.  Then the Lord sweetly showed me that we can be just like that silver....we can be ugly and tarnished on the inside or we can be shiney and sparkly. 

"For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34b

I pray that as you prepare to either have family in your home or be a guest in another home that you prepare your heart and mind to be loving, kind and gracious.  I pray that your words are seasoned with salt and that every precious child of God you come in contact with will be blessed by your encouraging attitude of love and grace and mercy.  (even if they don't deserve it!)

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders, make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone."  Colossians 4:5-6

To be quite honest sisters, I pray I'm not setting myself up for some terrible failure, but I know our Father wants us to be loving and kind in any situation.  Lets have a wonderful holiday season and rejoice in all our blessings.  Give Thanks To The Lord, For He is Good!  His Love Endures Forever!

Hilltop Blessings,
Sheri


 

Give Thanks To The Lord....even the little things!

"Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind"
Psalm 107:21

This verse took on new meaning for me recently and it being the season of Thanksgiving, I thought I would share it with y'all!

After living for several years with an oatmeal colored berber carpet, and three little boys who live in mud and dirt, our carpet cleaner refused to clean it again.  She had been faithful to the last gummy spot of black gumbo mud...but she wouldn't budge on that stuff again and I was glad.  It was time....time for some new flooring here at on the hilltop.

I looked for about six months and went back and forth on what to do.  Finally I settled on a laminate flooring that my husband and few angels laid down a couple of weeks ago.  My sweet man carefully cut the carpet in sections and neatly rolled it up and placed it beside the road along with the nasty carpet pad.  

There was a lot of the stuff and we knew that we were going to have to pay our trash service quite a bit to remove it.  I was happy to pay anything to have it gone!!!  Throughout the day, several people came and took a few rolls of it, but there was still A LOT of it left.  Towards the end of the day, I saw a precious woman standing at our gate.  

I went out to see what she wanted and in broken English she asked if she could have all of the carpet.  I was thrilled to give her the carpet!  What a blessing for me right?  Talk about my self-centered self....she needed it to cover her floors that had nothing on them!  She said she and her children were cold, because they had no heat.  She said that her husband had died ten  years ago and she had been supporting them on her meager housekeeping business, she said business was bad enough this last  year that she lost her home she had been paying on for 16 years!  She said so much in those few statements.  My heart broke for her.

Here I was getting new carpet because it was "old" and "spotty" and she just wanted to be warm!  I ran in the house looking for a portable heater and found a small one.  When I brought it out her sister was there.  They rejoiced over something so small.  Her sister brought a truck to remove the rest of the carpet that she couldn't cram into her small car.  They worked together packing the truck with the rest of the carpet.  

Then her sister "Karina" asked me the question: "Are you a Christian?"  I answered affirmatively and told her I wanted to pray for them.  I gathered hands right there on our busy little country road and prayed for my new sisters in Christ.  What a joy to share with them and rejoice at God's provision for them.  I was so humbled.

Berenice was able to have a family member lay  her carpet in her little home.  She was so thankful for her feet to be warm.  Can  you even imagine?  What a shift in my mindset on what I "need".  Since that time, I've been able to find another heater for the girls and their families.  They are so grateful to be warm.  

I'm praying that God brings us other opportunities to minister to the needs of people in our area.  I pray that as you go through this season of Thanksgiving, that He would show you ways to bless and be blessed.  God loves you and I pray you never let go of his unfailing grace!


Hilltop Blessings, 
Sheri




  

Mercy and Grace are So Good!

It has been quite some time since I sat here to visit with y'all. It's been one of those seasons of  "Busy".  Ever had one of those?  One thing that I always take away from those seasons is that God's mercy and grace are new every morning!  I'm so glad!

In September, my Father In Law needed some special care that involved us driving to Minnesota.  We found out on a Wednesday that we would be leaving on Friday morning.  Any of you ladies ever try to figure out what to do with four children for a week.  You can't exactly throw out feed and leave!

Thursday afternoon, after I had seemingly moved heaven and earth to get everyone packed and ready to go, I notice that our little Katie wasn't "right".  I knew it then, that she was sick!  She was big time sick and I was  up with her most of the night.  Friday morning, after a hard night and disturbing phone call, we knew that we weren't going to Minnesota that day.

We battled for four days with our little one, before a specialist was able to fix her impacted ear...(don't even ask)!  By then, we decided to leave the following Friday morning.  I don't know about y'all, but when I plan to go on a trip, I like to get going early.  Well....we made it out the door before it was early afternoon!  It was ten am before we finally got on the road! 

We drove for four and a half days for a two and a half day stay in Minnesota!  We did get to see family and friends along the way and that was so special, but the road was long!  We did take all the children and it was the first time that we were able to try out our new 12 passenger van and that was so nice! 

My husband and his brother tried to help out where they could and encourage a little more.  They are good sons, and I'm proud of them.  It was nice to be in Minnesota rather than in Texas for sure.  We left a heat index of 105 and went to temps of 70!  Now that was refreshing!

When we got home, it was time to jump deep into school, activities, church responsibilities and seasonal allergies!  Glory, glory!  We also finished our home study, to become an active foster family again.  We are awaiting that call that says there is a little one on her way to our home!  We look forward to that blessing!

God has been so gracious to me throughout these days of testing and trials!  I know I've said this before, but I really do believe His mercy Is new every morning.  His grace is enough for me at the moment I need it!  We are precious in His sight and He loves us.  I also know that if He does it for me, He will do it for you!

I pray that whatever is on your plate today, that  you would taste and see that the Lord is good, and know that He will carry you through anything that comes your way!  See His goodness and His mercy anew today!

Hilltop Blessings,
Sheri